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How the 5 Love Languages can Teach us to Love Ourselves

Jan 24, 2023 | 0 comments


The information provided here is not intended to be a substitute for professional health and mental health care or consultation. Individuals who believe they may require or benefit from treatment should seek the advice of a psychologist or other licensed mental health professional.

Very Good Counseling is a private practice of licensed mental health therapists who specialize in EMDR.  We provide online mental health services to individuals throughout the State of Florida,  and in-person at our office in Fort Myers, FL. For more information, contact us.

by: <a href="" target="_blank">Robert Engle, EMDRIA-Approved EMDR Therapist</a>

by: Robert Engle, EMDRIA-Approved EMDR Therapist

Because We Believe You Matter

Robert joined the practice full time in 2022 to help neurodivergent individuals with ADHD, anxiety, and depression find freedom and enjoy life through counseling. He is currently working towards becoming a Certified ADHD Professional (ADHD-CCSP). Trained in EMDR therapy, he excels at understanding the intricacies of ADHD and Trauma.

Do you find yourself doing any of the following:

  • You punish ourselves with cruel self-talk.
  • You set unrealistic expectations set us up for failure.
  • You may have some self-sabotaging behaviors, which may show up as, we deprive ourselves of things we deserve.
  • You neglect yourself or make harmful choices cause us to abuse our bodies. (skipping meals, little to no sleep, substance abuse)

These behaviors have a negative impact on our mental and physical health, relationships, and careers. We must take a different route. Our most important life lesson is learning to accept and love ourselves completely. Only when we are completely and authentically aligned with our own beautiful and unique self can we truly give and receive real love. This is because when we love ourselves, we know we can give without becoming resentful, exhausted, or depleted, and we know we deserve to receive. Self-love is required for total immersion in the abundant flow of light and love in our surroundings.


Gary Chapman identifies the five ways in which we can give and receive love in his book The 5 Love Languages. These languages are applied to self-love in the following ways, with practical suggestions:

  1. Words of Affirmations: Consider Self-Love
  • Affirmations should be practiced on a daily basis. Our emotions and behaviors are preceded by our thoughts.
  • Mantras that promote self-compassion should be recited. Concentrate on being kind to yourself.
  • Write down your strengths and everything about yourself for which you are thankful. Keep track of everything you accomplish, feel good about, do right, like about yourself, and so on.
  • Maintain your positive attitude. Reduce the volume of your inner critic and choose to be your best cheerleader or coach.
  1. Acts of Service: Do Self-Love
  • Make nutritious meals for yourself. Make an effort to plan your grocery shopping and meal preparation.
  • Make your home an organized, clean, and aesthetically pleasing environment for yourself. Even if you’re on a tight budget, you should enjoy where you live.
  • Plan regular physical, dental, and mental health examinations. If any health issues arise, address them as soon as possible. You have nothing without your health.
  • Take loving care of yourself. Make yourself look and feel like the beautiful person that you are.
  1. Receiving Gifts: Absorb Self-Love
  • Purchase only what you adore. Things that do not bring you positive vibrations should not be allowed in your home or closet. (While you’re at it, get rid of anything that doesn’t bring you joy.)
  • Give yourself something from your bucket list. Have you ever wanted to skydive or go whitewater rafting? Make a budget and a plan. As needed, enlist the assistance and support of friends.
  • Invest in your education and future. Do you want to further your education? Interested in taking a cooking class? Do you want to become a yoga instructor? Do your homework, apply for grants and scholarships, and volunteer to gain new skills. Give yourself the gift of knowledge.
  • Allow yourself to benefit from the wisdom and perspective gained through travel. Do you have a limited budget? Consider doing volunteer or service work, or pooling resources with friends to travel on the cheap.
  1. Quality Time: Be Present with Self-Love
  • Make time each day for mindfulness practices like meditation, deep breathing, or progressive muscle relaxation. These devotions will assist you in connecting with your higher self.
  • Make time for recreation and hobbies. Making time for play and enjoyment is an important part of honoring the gift of life.
  • Make sleep and exercise a priority. Your physical being must be rebooted and revitalized.
  • Do not overbook, overschedule, or overcommit. Your life is more valuable than constantly being on the move.
  1. Physical Touch: Feel Self-Love
  • Stretch your muscles and massage yourself with a foam roller. Allow your body to relax.
  • Toxins can be released by taking a hot bath with epsom salts. Let go of the tension and soak in the love.
  • Use lotions or oils to moisturize your skin. Thank each body part for what it does for you as you touch your skin.
  • Treat yourself to a spa treatment, such as a manicure, pedicure, facial, or deep conditioning treatment. Recognize that you are deserving of exceptional care.

Self-love is a process. It takes commitment, devotion, and practice. Resolve to love yourself every day, and you will see your best self blossom and your best life unfold! Self-love is a powerful force.

How do you think you will practice self-love? Need help deciding where to start? If so, we are here to help you start on your path, increasing your self-love. Feel free to connect with one of our counselors today.

Start your healing journey with us. 

Not to brag, but we’re Very Good.

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